I am very much looking forward to June being over. Its been a crazy month and there are still two more weeks to go! What is making it so crazy? Here is my list.
These past few months the company that owns my building has been making some major changes and improvements to the apartments. First, they rewired the apartments for electric heating (it used to be gas). Next, they tore out the radiators (oh, cutting metal! what a pleasant sound!). Then, last week they installed electric base board heaters. Now, this week they are tearing out the windows and installing new ones.
At the moment I am sitting next to a 4 foot by 12 foot hole in my wall that looks out onto the street. The cats are unhappily sequestered under the bed. All this action is a bit too much for them. It may be for me too. I haven’t been very productive Though I am patient and understanding (these are improvements - the windows were awful). The workers are doing their thing and seemingly doing it well. They have been polite and courteous with me. Still, I miss my privacy and ability to go to bed past 10pm, sleep in the next morning (9am would be so nice), as well as engaging in personal time in the afternoons . The other issue is I am moving to a new place July 1st so I will not be able to enjoy the new windows. I get to just enjoy their installation.
What my living room looks like right this second…
On July 1st I am moving to a new neighbourhood into a totally renovated apartment. I am quite excited about this. At first I kept thinking how I would miss my current place, but then I started envisioning what it will be like in the new place and it was a wonderful vision. After 20 or so years in the same neighbourhood it is now time for a change. I need to be around new sights and sounds as well as new people. I could not see myself changing cities, but I could see myself in a different area. It will definitely mix things up for me and that is something I really want and maybe even need.
My post marriage apartment has many nice qualities such as being bright and spacious (and I did a lot of personal growth, discovery and healing here), but it is far from many of my friends as well as cultural spots I enjoy. It also is not at all soundproof (the kid upstairs is very active and he is my 6am alarm as he does his daily run around – I am on top of the main entrance and people like to slam the door which makes things in my apartment shake). The place is old and needs TLC. The new windows will definitely be an improvement but I think the owners are waiting for me to leave so they can gut the kitchen and bathroom, renovate and then jack up the rent. My rent is low for the area I am in as I am subletting from a friend who lived here for ten years (the province of Quebec has rent control and increases can only be made to match cost of living or when substantial improvements are made). It may be in a renter’s favour, but owners try to get the upperhand. Mine for sure is. The management is rude and intimidating. There are times when I have not felt safe. I do not know if they did it on purpose so I would leave or that is just their personalities.
All to say, it is time for me to move on and that means going through my belongings, purging what I no longer use (I am trying to live in a more simple, minimalist way which is a bit tough when you have two businesses you run from home – one which is burlesque!), and packing up what I need to bring with me. I got rid of 10 bags of clothing and costumes, 4 dozen books, outdated tech equipment, sports equipment I haven’t used in ages, and a bunch of nostalgia from my youth. I still have to go through my files and recycle a few boxes of notes and papers. And then we have the big emotional stuff like my wedding dress. I have finally decided to give that away. It makes sense but it was sad decision.
3) I Keep Putting My Foot in My Mouth
In some areas of my life I am being sensitive, considerate and well spoken. In others I keep messing up and saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. I have a lot of fear spinning around in me about it. Sadness too. I am trying to figure out what is my underlying motive and I think I am sabotaging some relationships because in my heart I realize that its a bad fit and its time to move on.
Just like I am doing so with my apartment.