My goodness, it’s amazing to be able to be a sex entrepreneur in the age of smartphones. I’m LOVING how I can do so much so quickly. I find it has allowed me to enjoy more of the behind-the-scenes work than I did before. I feel it’s a more holistic experience than it was for me in the 2000s and the 2010s. Hmmm, what were you up to in the 2010s? I thought you had retired.
Yes, I’ve been in the adult entertainment industry the entire time. I retired from porn from 2010 until 2020, but during that time I worked in other aspects of sex work.
When membership sales to my personal website dropped drastically in the mid-2000s I looked for other work to support myself. I was a community liaison for Homegrown Video for a couple of years but was laid off when they too had to cut back as members disappeared. In 2007 I did a bit of camming but found the long hours and the sales tactics weren’t for me. I was heavy into burlesque but knew stripclub work wasn’t the right fit either. I had been heavily involved in sex work activism and was friends with people working in different spheres and decided to explore escorting. I had done a few girl-girl sex shows for hire at parties as well as many a gangbang shoots with men of all ages and sizes so I felt I’d be comfortable with the work. So in 2008 I started escorting and did so until 2016.
Personal & Intimate
In Canada at that time outcall escorting was not criminalized. I did work briefly for a high-end agency but quickly went independent as I had the website and marketing skills to manage my own business. I also found I was the best person to screen clients and manage my schedule. Every service provider has their own way of working behind-the-scenes and with clients. I was a quick study and found mine within a few months.
One of the best things about my experience as an escort is how I began excellent at sex negotiation. A date with a client is all about communication and boundaries. There is no guessing if sex will occur and there is a set endpoint. I loved the bubble that was created. I respected clients’ privacy and for the most part they respected mine.
Sometimes the sex was amazing, sometimes not very good, and sometimes kind of boring. My most memorable dates were with people with an emotional need— widowers, grieving fathers, men in sexless unions, virgins, and so on. Dinner dates allowed for us to get to know each other. I never had a persona in porn and didn’t have one in escorting either. I was my chatty, playful, kind, sexually enthusiastic self.
Around 2011 I decided to focus primarily on meeting with couples. I love threesomes and women so I thought I’d be ideally suited to help couples realize their fantasies without the pitfalls of swing clubs and dating sites. Couples often think they want a ménage à trois, but in reality, they want the attention of a woman to serve them as a couple. It rarely was a true blend of all three of us. The focus in fact was the wife and having the husband see her as the sexy goddess she was. I didn’t charge more to see a couple as most escorts do because it felt almost vocational for me. To assist them in safely exploring their fantasy was so rewarding.
Of course, I did have some HORRIBLE experiences. Besides the common bane of an escort’s existence (no-shows, time-wasters, egomaniacs, slut-shamers, and whorephobics) I had some truly “bad dates” (we don’t consider abusers clients). I was robbed a couple of times. One person researched me at his government job as a sign of “intimacy”. More than a few wanted special treatment and were cruel if they didn’t get it. Some were terribly drunk and difficult to manage. And I was raped twice.
Thank you therapy and dear friends for support as I processed what happened. I’m still healing, but I’m in a good place now and getting better every day.
I didn’t escort as “Seska”. I used a different name and didn’t show my face in my advertisements. Back then there was a perception that you couldn’t do both kinds of work even though many mainstream porn stars were escorting as well as shooting porn. Also, if you ever have been on escort review boards you know the men there are vicious with their commentary. Using a different name helped limit the nasty talk and provided a little psychological distance from the “feedback”.
I also didn’t use my porn name because I worried fans would expect a porn experience. I didn’t want to have to explain the way I had sex with my (now ex) husband on-camera would be different than the way I had sex with a stranger as an escort. Or that the way I had sex with other performers was as colleagues who knew each other’s real names, exchanged ID information and recent STI test results— again not like with a stranger.
Of course, some Seska fans found me. One was incredibly sweet about it and I have some great memories of foot sex with him. Another was a total idiot.
He was making the rounds of the agencies and indies in Montreal to see all the retired Amateurs (turns out I wasn’t the only one escorting after our site business collapsed). I kept pushing him off but decided to see him. I figured if I didn’t he’d create a new name and I’d unknowingly accept an appointment with him. He spent the whole time talking about the old Montreal porn scene and being unkind about the other women I shot with. When we had sex he didn’t find my authentic pleasure real enough so I decided to fake big time which he thought was real. The next day he e-mailed me telling me I should beg my ex to take me back. So fucking bizarre.
But wait. Did you just say you had pleasure with that idiot? Yes, I enjoyed much of the sex I had with clients. I made sure I did. I didn’t want my body to learn to dissociate though in some ways it was inevitable. Trauma will do that, but so will so much repeptition combined vigilance (will this one turn on me? hit me? bite me?). Still, I worked hard at embodying my pleasure even with the awkward or unskilled sex partners. In some ways I compartmentalized what was happening during the date in general and on a micro-level with my body. I became very focused on me.
I quit escorting after the new criminalization laws came into effect. It made it harder to advertise in a safe way as we couldn’t discuss our “menus”. The good clients stopped calling (especially my couples) for fear of arrest. I didn’t know it then, but I also needed the time and space to focus on my healing. I got a job at a feminist sex shop thinking maybe I’d be recognized, but I’d have the support to handle it like I did when I worked at a restaurant in Montreal.
However, the trauma got worse as one of my abusers came into the store on a number of occasions. There were also the not dangerous but definitely boundary-pushing clients. And then there was the Seska fan that behaved inappropriately with all the employees but was extra creepy with me. It was exhausting. It’s a blessing I lost my job because only after did I realize how fucking stressed and scared I was.
For sure, I’m going to keep working on posting my vintage porn and creating new content. I’m enjoying all aspects of it from start to finish. I’m also going to increase my promotion for custom videos. I find it brings some of what I liked about escorting into the content production— making someone’s fantasies come alive. Similarly, I’ve become quite fond of sexting. Offering these packages feels like I’m cyber escorting which feels both safe and sexy. I get turned on by the written word and thinking about the person on the other side enjoying thoughts of me.
Pleas know that I find great pleasure in sex but especially in sex work. I see it as my muse. It makes me feel alive. It is my passion. Would I still do the things I do if it wasn’t my livelihood? Perhaps if we lived in a world where I didn’t have to work to house, feed and clothe myself. But that’s not our reality. And unfortunately, once you do sex work it is near impossible to be allowed to do anything else. So I’m making the best of my past choices, staying true to my values, and creating a life that suits my quirky entrepreneurial spirit.