I am mailing out a limited amount of postcards from the first Acme Burlesque show. The image is a tasteful yet striking one. Email me your name and mailing address ASAP if you want one.
I have 5 left to give away. International addresses are fine!
All the postcards have been spoken for. I will have a new batch in April from the next show. Stay tuned!
seskalee@gmail.com
Scarlett et Girls Girls Girls! – February 29th, 2012
L’Assommoir Nôtre Dame (209 Nôtre Dame O, Montreal)
7-9pm – $15
MC: Seska Lee
Starring: Scarlett James, Elle Diabloe and LouLou
Kittened by Cristelle
I caught a bit of the movie called All the Real Girls. Its from 2003, stars Paul Schneider, Zooey Deschanel, and Patricia Clarkson, and its about a twenty-something womanizer who falls for his best friend’s younger sister. I only caught parts of it with one being when the best friend tells the sister to stay away from him – he is no good (the discussion is shot with lots of facial close-ups of the siblings and interspersed with some vignettes of how the womanizer character treats women during their brief encounters and relationships – he has slept with most every girl in his small town).
Let’s just say it reminded me a little bit of someone I used to know *. But it also got me to thinking about the situation in general. That part I saw was interesting to me because I have often wondered how men stay friends with guys who they know to be jerks to women when they themselves are not jerks in that manner. How do you reconcile things when your best buddy is an asshole to women? I think it might be because they are decent friends but just lousy boyfriends. I also wonder if there is some part of the ‘nice guy’ who lives vicariously through the womanizer.
Urban Dictionary
A selfish, narcissistic, nefarious character who needs to manipulate and use woman to feed his own childish, self serving ego. Has definite “ Mommy issues.” Will often seek out girls far too young, in hopes that they’ll be too naive to read his intentions. Not only will this type of predator pursue women relentlessly—using time, flattery & displaying a “sincere” interest in becoming close on an emotional/mental level—but will quickly lose interest once his true nature as a sodomizing bastard is uncovered. The fallout is ALWAYS the woman’s fault, as his ego cannot handle the reality of his own fucked up behavior.Free Online Dictionary
Noun: womanizer - a man who likes many womenand has short sexual relationshiops with them.
Synonyms
philanderer: one who engages in many love affairs, especially with a frivolous or casual attitude. Used of a man.
Casanova: any man noted for his amorous adventures
Don Juan: any successful womanizer (after the legendary profligate Spanish nobleman)
debauchee, libertine, rounder: a dissolute person; usually a man who is morally unrestrained
Lothario: a successful womanizer; a man who behaves selfishly in his sexual relationships with women
masher, skirt chaser, woman chaser, wolf: a man who is aggressive in making amorous advances to women
It also got me to thinking of how I as a female friend handle knowing other women who behave badly with men. I have known some to cheat and lie. I have know others who do things that one would consider manipulative, competitive and distrusting. What I have come to believe is a lot of this behaviour is coming from a place of fear. That is where most of my own bad behaviour comes from. When I make mistakes (big and small) with love and sex it is usually because I am searching for a way to not feel pain and loneliness. Of course, these mistakes do not lead to anything close to long term fulfillment. The opposite is true. I end up feeling more empty and sad than before. Classic addictive behaviour. I am definitely a love junkie. Realizing this about myself (and what is my true motivation) has helped me be less judgmental when other women behave badly. That has been a big lesson – and one I am still struggling with because when their bad behaviour affects me – well, it affects me.
The good news is that I have been able to share my shame over my mistakes with my closest friends and express my fear and pain. I find that my friends are supportive and do what they can to help me stay on the path of self-love, esteem and not compromising myself. My female friends do their best to not enable me. Do men do this? It seems when men behave badly their friends don’t stand in their way. They don’t challenge them. Or do they?
* I am so hooked on this song. Sorry neighbours for it being on repeat.
Wow. How did it become mid-February? I had hoped to spend the month (after my Acme Burlesque show) doing my taxes. I haven’t even looked at my filing cabinet. If I look at my agenda I can see I have been busy. I have had my usual webmaster work for clients. I also had a dentist appointment which required me to take the train to and from the suburbs (I have been going to the same dentist since I was 16 and I have no plans – I like him and the technicians very much). I spent time with my family. I freaked out because I had to deal with the very unpleasant superindendent of my building when I tripped a breaker. I also went to Ottawa for the day to celebrate a birthday. I guess I have been busy.
Now we are mid-month and I have to make sure I do not take on any more work or meetings so I can tackle my to-do list. There is so much I want to get done. Yes, taxes are on the list. So is a major floor scrubbing (I did the kitchen and hallway – still do are the bathroom and the bedroom). I also have a bit of paperwork to do for my webmaster business and the very unpleasant forms to fill out for my divorce. I have kind put my head in the sand regarding that. It makes me sick to my stomach but it needs to be done. We both need to move on. I suppose because I am the one that did the leaving he is expecting for me to do the initial filing. I am not sure. We are not talking. Why is it so much easier to get married than it is to get divorced?
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My burlesque show was an incredible success. That bit of bliss lingered quite a bit. It seems this first show is only the beginning an inspiring and exciting project. All hail Acme Burlesque!
I started performing burlesque in 2003 as a way to explore old fashioned sexy entertainment while never denying or apologizing that I was also a porn performer. I have a holistic view of my life. I am able to compartmentalize, but at the end of the day my many experiences, interests, dreams, hopes, trials and tribulations make up one person – me. I enjoyed using porn to express this but it has its limits and challenging consequences. When I discovered burlesque I decided to use it as another way to express myself. It sure was energizing then as it is now to have an artistic performance medium to help me do so. I got hooked! What a fun, sparkly, dramatic, and silly thing to love and be a part of!
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Oh yes, I just remembered something else that also what took up a chunk of time. My birthday immediately followed the premier Acme Burlesque show. It was an amazing day. I went to Le Scandinave in the afternoon. It is free to do 3 hours of circuit on your birthday. I did that and got a massage thanks to a gift certificate. It was heavenly. The experience kept me floating in my little bliss bubble for many hours after. I guess this past week has been about popping that bubble and dealing with tense and unpleasant life experiences. Bleh.
Our premier show is tonight. Cannot wait! Rehearsals went well. The band sounds great and the burlesquers are divine!
It looks like I caught a cold. I felt a little off on Sunday. I had a bit of sinus pressure and an overall down feeling. I ate well all day and thought I was fine. I went out late on Sunday for pub trivia and then spent Monday feeling hungover but without the headache or the queasiness. I had 4 drinks the night before. Not hangover amounts. Well, its seems I do have a cold. I woke up this morning phelgmy and feeling most unpleasant. I had a hearty breakfast and took some oregano oil. Then I went over to Tess Whitehurst’s blog to read up on some immune boosters. I really should have been doing this all along.
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Call me a quack or whatever you would like, but I enjoy astrology. I don’t simply read my horoscope. I have had my chart done and have a decent in depth understanding of it. Besides getting readings done once a year I also have online sources I like to go to. Well, it seems we are ending a 14 year cycle this week (on my birthday no less) that coincides with my time as an online porn performer. Hmmm. Interesting. No wonder I have been contemplating what I should do online, with porn, with my public interactive life etc…
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Today I read Louis CK’s outline for how to pitch a pilot (found it via Montreal Improv’s blog). I have an idea for something that would be suited for the Canadian market. My usual writing partner is very busy this spring, but perhaps I should write something anyway. I have never done something like that before and trying something new and different would be fun. What it actually becomes – a short story, a novel, a play, a sketch – who knows?
Having a little fun listening to Joan Jett tonight. More for the sound and the attitude than the lyrics. ;-)
I Hate Myself For Loving You
Midnight gettin’ uptight where are you
You said you’d meet me now it’s quarter to two
I know I’m hangin’ but I’m still wantin’ you
Hey jack it’s a fact they’re talkin’ in town
I turn my back and you’re messin’ around
I’m not really jealous don’t like lookin’ like a clown
I think of you ev’ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away
I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the the things that you do
I want to walk but I run back to you that’s why
I hate myself for loving you
Daylight spent the night without you
But I’ve been dreamin’ ’bout the lovin’ you do
I won’t be as angry ’bout the hell you put me through
Hey man bet you can treat me right
You just don’t know what you was missin’ last night
I want to see your face and say forget it just from spite
I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the the things that you do
I want to walk but I run back to you, that’s why
I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the things that you do
I want to walk but I run back to you that’s why
I hate myself for loving you
I think of you ev’ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away
I hate myself for loving you
Can’t break free from the the things that you do
I want to walk but I run back to you that’s why
I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself for loving you
I hate myself for loving you
The author of this GQ article shares her experiences with sex and dating in the era of easy access porn. What she has found is it is not subtle. There is no build up. There is no personal exploration. She says it isn’t so much like sex as it is more like masturbation with a fellow 3-D person. You finish with your hand, after all, like you’ve done with a million clips. And well, that doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun. Sex with a partner should be different than masturbation. Am I crazy for thinking that?
The World Wide Web of money shots has produced an unholy number of guys my age who think or maybe even know better but can’t really help themselves because it’s the stuff their penises were raised on, that coming on a woman is a totally normal thing to do. After a third or fourth date. Before you even know her parents’ names or her college major or what she wanted to be when she grew up (a Wookie! But no matter). As if it’s just the standard end to the sex act. As if the birds-and-the-bees speech fathers give to sons goes: “Sometimes when a man loves a woman very, very much and they want to start a family, he finishes on her chest.”
Read More at GQ
Another author, Cindy Gallop, spoke at Ted in 2009 about how the easy access to porn and the porn content itself has changed how young men have sex. She also has a neat site about not generalizing what you see in porn.
I also have read how young men are having more sexual dysfunction when with a partner because they are used to masturbating in a certain way. I have been with such guys both in and out of the porn business who need very specific (and often what seems to me as very aggressive manipulation of their penis by their own hand to achieve orgasm). I also have had one lover who doesn’t look at porn and has excellent sexual function with me and others. He told me when he masturbates he uses his own memories (I am this way as well). Porn is not his thing. It just one example, but it makes sense to me.
All of this makes me curious as to how this type of thing has changed the way young women have sex. Let me know if you know of any articles or research about this.
What I will be thinking of as I bowl tomorrow…
Focusing on the score attaches you to the result. Focusing on the process lets you access your greatest skill and increases your fun.
- John Douillard
From Tim Ferriss’ blog entry The Painless Path to Endurance
Bowling in Minneapolis in 2001!
In ill fitting jeans – no less!
Birthday 2009 – 1960′s themed bowling party
It seems that I have a standard bowling pose. Pucker up!
I decided to try it on my knees like Paulette from Grease 2.
I came across a short article on how to maintain a satisfying libido. Even if you are flying solo like me this is an important read. I truly believe if you don’t use it you lose it so staying physically and mentally healthy helps you keep that drive up. You never know when you may need it. ;-)
One of the tips…
Hug Therapy
Love a good rub down? You’re not the only one. Some studies have shown that men need to be touched two to three times more frequently than women in order to maintain the same level of oxytocin, the sexy bonding hormone.
Without frequent touch, your brain’s circuits and receptors can feel starved for dopamine, the feel-good hormone. Hugging and cuddling feed and reinforce those connection circuits, ensuring lovey-dovey feelings and hot romps. Even if you’re not in the mood now, a sensual back rub or loving massage can get you there, pronto.
Have You Seen My Libido (Healthy Bitch Daily)
L. Lou Paget
Oxytocin has a complicated reputation, but even if you don’t take that particular hormone into consideration I think that the power of touch, hugs, cuddles and other kinds of close contact is pretty substantial. I know I need hugs and now that I live alone and don’t go out frequently I am without them and I miss them. There is something so comforting about snuggling with someone you love. Yep, I definitely miss it. I cuddle with the cats, but that is its own thing and definitely doesn’t lead to happy horny feelings.
I think though non-sexual, non-romantic hugs are important to one’s well-being and that good feeling you get from them can have sexual benefits – it can make you feel better about yourself. I find I go out of my way to ask for them when I am feeling blue or just in need of a good squeeze. These kinds of hugs are not about sex, but they are about comfort and that helps me stay positive and upbeat. I have a couple of guy friends who are tall and teddy bear like. They give great hugs. I love the felling of being held with such substance. One is my friend’s has a boyfriend who is an amazing hugger and I ask her permission first. It feels a bit silly, but she knows he gives good hugs and is happy to share it with her friends. My girlfriends give good hugs too though they are wee hugs. ;-)
Me with my friend Halcyon who runs a live broadcast called Hug Nation
Check out the article for more suggestions on how to feel good in general and how to specifically keep your sexual drive a-going.
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