Introduction

We have all heard some horror story of a person in desperate need of a condom and trying to use whatever they have handy as one. A sandwich baggie was the item used in the anecdote I heard. Now that sounds comfy! Thankfully, we do have very reliable and much more enjoyable alternatives to something from the Glad Man -proper condoms either made of latex or polyurethane.

Background

There are ancient cave paintings showing a man wearing a condom during sexual intercourse. They are 12 000 to 15 000 years old and the earliest known documentation of condom use. By the sixteenth century condoms were known to be used to protect against sexually transmitted diseases (A Dr. Condom, the earl of Condom, is said to have designed a penile shaft for King Charles II to prevent him from contracting venereal disease) and by the eighteenth century to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It seems it took people a little longer to realize how babies were made, but they figured out where that itch, drip or sore came from rather quick. While the original condoms were made of less effective materials (both for sexual pleasure -like oiled linen and vulcanized rubber- and as birth control and STD prevention -like sheep intestines and fish membranes), they were a step in the right direction.

In the past one hundred years there have been mixed messages about sexuality and condom use and this has been especially the case in the United States. During Word War I some U.S. allies gave their troops condoms to prevent sexually transmitted infections. The U.S. Army chose to encourage chastity and consequently reported a yearly sexually transmitted infection (STI) rate of 766.55 per 1,000 for 1919 alone.

Certain groups have continued to push for chastity as the cure to many of our societal woes. They knock down condoms, saying they lead to promiscuity and the increase in STIs such as HIV and cervical cancer. The truth of the matter is that condoms are effective in preventing unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. They are the only birth control method that is under a man’s control and the best barrier method available at this time for safer sexual intercourse. They are also inexpensive, found in most pharmacies (and corner stores, bars, restaurants, etc…), easy to dispose of (maybe a little too easy for those folks who like to litter), have minimal side effects (for those with latex allergies, you can use non-latex condoms such as Avanti), and can allow for longer-lasting sex play. I say, “condoms rock!”

A Few Facts

Of 100 women whose partners use condoms inconsistently or imperfectly, 14 will become pregnant in the first year of use. Only 3 will become pregnant if condoms are used perfectly.
Condoms are effective protection against sexually transmitted bacterial infections such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, and syphilis.

The risk of HIV transmission with a condom is reduced – as much as 10,000-fold.

Condoms offer some protection against viruses such as human papilloma virus (HPV) and herpes simplex virus (HSV) that infect the general genital area. These viruses can “shed” to areas not covered by a condom, but a condom does decrease the risk of infection.

Oral sex, like intercourse and anal sex, is considered a high-risk sexual activity. Unprotected oral sex puts both partners at risk for a number of STIs, whether they are giving or receiving genital stimulation. These infections include gonorrhea, syphilis, chancroid, herpes, hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus, HPV, herpes, and, rarely, HIV.

A condom can be cut in half and spread over the entire vulva area for safer oral sex performed on a woman.

How to Use a Condom (from Scarleteen – used with permission)

1) Use a good quality condom that is new, that hasn’t been kept anywhere here it can get too warm or cold (it isn’t a good idea to keep them in your wallet or pocket for that reason).

2) Open the condom wrapper carefully, and roll it out a little so that the edge is rolled on the outside of the condom. Put a few drops of water-based lube (like Astroglide or KY Liquid) inside the tip of the condom. Only put a condom on AFTER there is a partial or full erection (after the penis has “gotten hard”).

3) Squeeze the tip of the condom with your fingertips to leave some extra space in the tip, and roll the rest down the length of the penis, still pinching the top.

4) Put some more water-based lube of the outside of the condom, and you’re good to go. While you are using the condom, you or your partner do not need to hold its base: condoms are designed for hands-free use.

5) After he has an orgasm and ejaculates (or doesn’t but you’re finished having sex), hold the base of the condom (the rolled-up part) with your hand and hold it with your other hand by the tip. Pulling it off by the tip alone not only makes a big mess, you could drip all over yourself what you just worked so hard to keep out.

6) Throw the condom away – NEVER reuse condoms. Never use two at a time to try and be “extra safe.” Both of them will most likely break, and it just doesn’t work. One condom, used properly, is as safe as it gets. If that isn’t safe enough for you, don’t have sex yet. Really.

Some Extra Tips

If you are uncircumcised, push your foreskin back while you’re putting the condom on. Once most of your penis is covered, you can push the foreskin up again gently.

Lubrication is really important. Condoms have a high rate of success, but that rate drops when they aren’t used properly, and one of the easiest ways to break a condom is by letting it get dry. Buy some lubricant when you buy condoms. Not only will it help them work better, well-lubricated sex is more enjoyable sex for both you and your partner. Do NOT use butter, oil, Vaseline or ANY lubricant other than lubricants intended for use with condoms. If you could buy it in an aisle in the store where food also is, it probably isn’t the right kind of lube.

Condoms don’t have to be a pain. Don’t try and rationalize your way out of using one, or put up with a partner who does: you’ll both need to get used to using them for a good part of your life, and even if one partner lets you get away with it, you can be sure another one won’t. Condoms keep you both safe, and when you don’t have to worry about getting diseases or getting pregnant, sex is a lot more fun.

You need to wear a condom during oral sex just as much as during vaginal or anal sex. Most STDs and transmitted through bodily fluids and mucus membranes…both of which exist in and on your genitals and your mouth.

When it comes to condoms, don’t scrimp. If you can’t afford them, check out your local Planned Parenthood clinic. They often give them out for free.

As far as comfort level and enjoyment, as well as durability, at Scarleteen we are partial to Durex brand condoms and Kimono brand condoms. Be SURE the lube you use is WATER-BASED. Other lubricants can destroy condoms.

Introduction

Once upon a time there lived a girl who’s skin felt smooth and soft. She wore colourful halter-tops, culottes and mini skirts that showed off her silkiness. Then one summer she began to notice hair appearing in places it had never had before. Not only that, her eyebrows were becoming unruly and what was once soft, pale down was now a dark, thick forest of hair. Eeek! What was to become of our lovely girl? Voices from above and beyond told her it was womanhood.

Puberty and Body Hair

Puberty comes with a bundle of concerns, the physical changes being high among them. As hormonal changes occur, pubic and auxiliary hair grows and it is a sign that the body is becoming sexually functional in both male and females. Male sex hormones called androgens help stimulate facial hair development in males about two years after the start of pubic hair. Males also grow hair on the chest, back and on the arms and legs. Their pubic hair is longer, although finer, than women’s. The longer hairs are partially due to the fact that the hair is growing faster and for a longer growing phase for males. Fully formed hairs on the thighs are over three times longer in young men than in young women. The growth period in men is 54 days and in women it is 22 days.

Women have substantially less androgens than males so their auxiliary and pubic hair growth is less extensive. A man’s pubic hair grows up over his stomach, forming a triangle with its peak near the navel. A woman’s pubic hair ends more or less as a straight line a few centimetres above the mons. Men also tend to have more hair covering their butts.

This increase and difference in quality of body hair is a big change from childhood to adulthood. Males get the brunt of it, while females get somewhat less. However, perception of body hair is different for males than it is for females. For the most part, male auxiliary hair is seen and celebrated as proof of masculinity. Many boys keep count of each facial and chest hair as they develop. They keep wearing shorts during gym class. They may not show off their hairy legs, but they don’t hide them either. For girls it is often different. Since their increased hairiness is a sign of sexual maturation, it does represent womanhood and femininity. Yet because hairiness is a typical male characteristic, girls often see it as something they want nothing of. So with the blessing of popular culture, as well as the support of thousands of years of hair removal rituals crossing many diverse cultures, they get rid of it.

Myths, Beliefs and Practices

Early myths equated hairiness with animalistic tendencies. Certain philosophical thinking held to the belief that man was not an animal so being as physically different from our closet relatives, the monkeys as well as other beasts, was seen as a highly valued characteristic. It thought that this belief led to the very common human aversion for body hair. Another myth that still exists is that hairiness is a sign of increased sexual prowess. Endocrinology has found no one explanation for sexual desire, its existence or lack thereof. Sexual response is a very subtle thing and how one perceives oneself may be as ore more important than the physical status of the body and its hormones. Regardless, many advocates of controlling sexuality have thought that the modification of body hair would result in the manipulation of people’s sexuality, especially as a signal of someone’s sexual availability and desirability. By either keeping it there, altering it or by removing it, one makes a sexual statement.

Here is a look at what people, both past and present, have believed about body and pubic hair and what they have done about it.

Ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome

Neither men nor women in ancient Egypt were allowed to have any body hair. It was thought to be ugly and unhygienic. The rule in ancient Greece was complete depilation for women (except for head hair). Pubic hair in young boys was considered a special delight, but they were required to remove their leg hair. In ancient Rome, women removed or shaped their pubic hair as a mean to please men. Complete removal of pubic and auxiliary was customary.

Uganda, Trobriand Islands, South America, Bakitara and Rhodesia

The Dodingo of Uganda practiced the complete depilation of body hair including pubic hair. They would use a special resin that was applied and allowed to dry. Then it was torn away, hair and all. Afterwards, the skin was treated with soothing vegetable fats. A young bride before her wedding had to under go this as part of the ritual before marriage. Similar customs existed among the people of the Trobriand Islands and South American Indians. The African tribe of Bakitara would have young girls approaching marriage have all their body hair shaved off excluding the pubic hair which would be plucked by her mother. This painful experience would last one week. For the Ba-ila in Northern Rhodesia, young adults would remove their pubic and underarm hair by rubbing warm ashes to these areas and then pluck the hair.

India and China

In India, having rich and cared for hair on the head is a positive social and psychological statement, but hair elsewhere on the body is unwanted. In North India, pubic hair is especially unwanted, while underarm hair and leg hair are not a customary concern. Among the Chaubes of Western Pradesh, female pubic hair is thought of as ganda (dirty) and is considered by males to be an impediment during intercourse. Married women take excellent care of their head hair and remove their pubic hair. Widows, while grieving shave their heads and let their pubic hair grow. After their bereavement period their head hair is unkempt and they do not shave their pubic hair. Like the Bakitara, before marriage in North India and Pakistan, a preparatory ritual for the new bride is removal of her pubic hair.

In Republican China (1911-1949), an observation about the relative absence of pubic hair in different “races” was emphasized in popular sex handbooks. A person’s hairiness was thought to reflect qualities of the mind. An excess of hair were said to be signs of deregulation. The lowbrow Secrets of the Bedchamber (1938), for example, stated that lewd women generally developed an abundant tuft of hair in areas of the body where they experienced vice.

Samoans and Turks

People have modified pubic hair as an expression of their value of sexuality. Among the Samoans, female pubic hair is admired. Virgins (whatever their definition of that may be) have their pubic hair oiled and combed. 16th century Turkish harems had women decorate their bodies. They would remove the pubic hairs and then dye the area with henna. It was considered a sin to have hair in the “private parts”.

Japan

Since the beginning of the 20th century, the Japanese have had a puzzling relationship with sexuality, the genitals and pubic hair. The sight of genitals and by extension the sight of pubic hair is considered obscene in Japan. Nudity, sexual sado-masochism, extreme anal sexual acts, and fetishes involving bodily wastes are commonly accepted in different kinds of media, but pubic hair is a no-no. To protect the public from the sight of pubic hair and genitals, pornographic material of non-genital sex is popular and images which do contain the taboo is censored either with black dots or less subtly with large knee length shaggy wigs for the genitals.

The Crusaders and Europeans

In the past century or so the removal of body hair, including pubic hair, has become more popular among Europeans and other Westerners. The Crusaders are thought to have introduced the fashion to Europeans, but it took quite sometime to catch on. In the 18th and 19th centuries, while body hair was often thought to emphasize the animalistic nature of man and was subsequently omitted from painting and statues, some literature highlighted the subtle provocativeness of having pubic hair. It was often compared to grass and a “carnal meadow”. However, some men were entirely shocked on their wedding nights. They had based their knowledge of the female form on art, which did not include pubic hair. Upon seeing their wives disrobe, they were disgusted by the sight. Why they expected women to not have pubic hair where they themselves had some is shocking to modern ears.

The Hair Foray of America

Paintings and sculptures are no longer the influence they once were. Today in North American culture (USA and Canada), magazines, movies, television and other forms of the modern media contain an incredible amount of imagery of the human body. The majority of media images are of young, Caucasian people. If you look closely you’ll notice that they conspicuously don’t have body hair. None on the face except for eyebrows and eyelashes, none on the legs, none on the arms, certainly none under the arms, and more and more frequently, none in the pubic area. This is the style for both women and men, with the exception of some stubble allowed on the guys.

Shaving first came into vogue among North Americans with the development of the modern safety razor in the 1820′s. However, mostly men, to keep their beards neat and tidy or to be clean-shaven, used it. In the 1920′s the Gillette Company combined the traditional hoe shaped razor with a doubled edged replaceable blade. Also around this time, woman began to wear less clothing, bathing suits became more practical (read you could swim in them becuase they were not made of excessive pantaloons), dresses showed the shapely calves, and sleeveless, strapless dresses became fashionable. Possibly to differentiate themselves from men who had auxiliary hair, women began shaving theirs. Based on the different cultures mentioned above, there exists a long tradition of depilation of body hair and so the desire for North Americans to do so is not unique.

In the 1960′s, when the counter culture movement was beginning, it was trendy for hippies to have auxiliary hair. Not only was long head hair common in both men and women, but so was full leg, underarm and pubic hair. It was perceived as being more natural. This style was popular well in to the 1970′s. For women it played a role in the expression of feminist philosophy. For men it was a symbol of machismo (think Burt Reynolds in his Cosmo centrefold). As women began achieving equality to men, their appearances were becoming strikingly similar.

Nevertheless, shaving was never completely eliminated from North America society. As immigrants from other countries increasingly moved to the West, they brought along their traditions and introduced new ways of removing hair such as waxing and sugaring to the West. It also became stylish to dress in more conformist, structured ways. The 1980′s were the times of conservative excess, while the 1990′s were of minimalist, sleek styles. As the decades have passed wearing less and less clothing has become very fashionable. People’s attention to body hair and the elimination of it seems to reflect these tastes.

XXX Hair

A big change can be observed in the presentation of the female body in pornography. In the 1970′s a Playboy model was photographed with full pubic hair and with hair on her arms. A women posing today has her pubic hair trimmed or removed and is shown without arm hair. It is digitally smoothened. During this time in XXX pornography, women went from full “bushes” to orderly “Mohawks”. Men also became less hairy, shaving their testicles, butts and penises. This is especially the case in gay porn where sleek, muscular, tanned bodies can be the epitome of gay masculinity.

Porn stars are motivated to remove hair for practical and aesthetic reasons. First and foremost, it is done to show the viewers the performers’ genitals during penetrative sex or oral sex. Clearly seeing the opening of the vagina, the labias and the clitoris has potential for arousal. Also in the not so distant past many of the mainstream porn stars were dancers and often wore g-strings and thongs when performing. Hair sticking out from the costumes is not deemed suitable or attractive so it is easier to shave it all off than to trim and tuck it in. On a purely sensible note, having less hair can help them avoid matting and friction, which the industrial amounts of lube and extremely hot lights used to making porn, can lead to. Finally, “seeing it all” is a trend in today’s adult entertainment. Seeing the entire genital region gives the viewer a sense of seeing the forbidden. In response to this, the Japanese strictly outlaw the sight of it, while in North America a hairless “pussy” is insisted upon. At its opposite extreme, a woman’s body hair, pubic area and elsewhere, is appreciated as a fetish.

What This All Means For Regular Folk

Shaved and waxed legs and underarms are very common traits among women in North America. Like any body modification it may have some ritual significance linked to a rite of passage. As girls become women they shave their legs and underarms. Having something to remove means you are reaching adulthood. With the case of body hair and its depilation, it is also likely a measure of attractiveness just as it has been in many cultures worldwide and over thousands of years. A hairless body is believed to be appealing.

Less common is the removal of pubic hair. However the trend in porn is making its way into the mainstream. Things began with the bikini wax so that women would not have “stray” hairs peeping out from their bathing suits. Then, the more extreme version, the Brazilian came into vogue. Now, more and more women who do not work in the adult industry are taking it all off.

In earlier times, removing the pubic hair was a way for a bride to prepare for marriage and sexual relations with her husband. A modern North American woman may not be getting ready for marriage, but the removal of her pubic hair is a symbol, even if only to herself, of her sexual availability and attractiveness. However, with all things deemed attractive, it only means this if you think it means this.

Introduction

A female celebrity is in the news because she has discovered her assistant to be stealing her shoes. Your girlfriend only lets loose when she is wearing her black latex corset. Otherwise, she is lying on her back and preoccupied with her taxes. You like porn, but only when it involves barefooted models with their feet covered with mud.

For better or for worse, these people likely have fetishes. It is not as mysterious or as unheard of as some people make it out to be. Yes, in an extreme case it can lead to isolation and illegal acts as the aforementioned assistant learned. For others it might mean a limit to how they can experience sexual enjoyment. Finally, for some it means they have something special they share with their partner. The experience is as varied as the fetishes themselves. It may be an expression of sexuality that is different from the norm, however due to the accessibility of the Internet, it is  out of the closet and much more common than previously thought (unless you are a sexology researcher, of course).

What is a fetish?

Fetishism is the use of non-living objects or body parts that most people would not regard as sexual in nature as one’s focus of sexual arousal.

Perceptions of Fetishism

Dull but Necessary Psychological Perspectives

Fetishism is classified by the DSM IV (the most commonly used psychological diagnostic reference tool) as a paraphilia which is a “form of sexual disorder that involve sexual arousal in association with unusual objects and situations, such as inanimate objects, sexual contacts with children, exhibiting their genitals to strangers, and inflicting pain on another person” (Oltmanns & Emery, 1995). Things get psychologically detrimental when the fetish replaces a partner as the main source of sexual arousal. For the most part fetishism is expressed in moderate ways (following the BDSM credo: safe, sane and consensual) and people with fetishes can lead socially functional lives.

The concern comes in when there is a lack of human intimacy associated with the fetish. If the person with the fetish is compulsive and lacks flexibility with regard to their sexual arousal and activities, if the fetish monopolises large amounts of their time and takes up most of the person’s energy, if they experience sexual dysfunction involving desire, arousal, or orgasm during conventional sexual behaviour with a partner, there may be a problem for that individual and how he/she functions in the world. In this case, the fetish is similar to an addiction (Oltmanns & Emery, 1995).

The significance and severity of a fetish is commonly determined by where it falls on a continuum.

At one end of the continuum are those who express a slight preference for a fetish; next are those holding a strong preference; next are those who must have the fetish to function sexually; and finally those who substitute the fetish for a human sexual partner.

Non-Living Objects – Being Turned On By a Thing-a-ma-jig

What is considered to be a non-living object can be agreed upon by those in most cultures. Though why certain objects are fetishised more than others or at all likely lies in its significance to a society or of an individual’s perception of the object. There are many theories (biochemical, social learning, behaviourism), none of which have entirely satisfactorily explained it.

Certainly, a fetish of an object can not exist until the object has been invented. For example, rubber clothes – such a fetish could not have existed until the material had been created. Nor, could someone fetishise the material until they had encountered it. It is possible that some experience with the object triggers some innate mechanism and an association is made.

Body Parts – Not the Horror Movie

Whether a body part is commonly considered to be sexual or not is debatable as well. If one examines it from a cross cultural point of view, there are certain body parts which are eroticised while others are not.

The American fixation on female breasts is really fetishism by popular consensus. Women who opt for breast augmentation can bear testimony to the American equation of buxom and sexy. What we believe to be sexually acceptable is always culturally determined. In America even disfigurements of the female form, such as implants that result in titanic but non functional protrusions, are sometimes admired. In Japan, for example, the nape of the neck is tantalisingly sexy; in some African cultures, bulky haunches are a paradigm of femininity; in China, it’s a petite foot”.

The struggle lies in whether what you find sexually arousing is of your culture’s norm. “To be out of sexual syncopation with your society’s beauty standards puts one at a distinct disadvantage; the American man who prefers a foot to a breast is likely to be viewed with discomfort or antipathy” (Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance & Submission - Brame, Brame & Jacobs).

How Is It Most Commonly Expressed?

Often a fetish is one that combines a non-living object with a body part. This is most often seen in those who are aroused by the combination of a person wearing an item of clothing on the body. Say a foot in a shoe, or legs wearing pantyhose. The person may become aroused when wearing the items themselves or it may be when another person is wearing the item. However, the item alone would not be sufficient for arousal in this case, neither would be the body part.

Commonly mentioned fetishes include: feet, toes, legs, shoes, nylons, stockings and boots; lingerie and corsets; lace, leather, PVC, fur, silk, velvet and satin; rubber and latex. In the past the fetish for fur was quite common as was the now obscure fetish for red cockades and collar stays. Some present-day fetishes include zippers, plaster leg casts, robots and disposable diapers. With incredible inventions awaiting us, who knows what the future will bring to the world of fetishes.

Misuse of the Word Fetish

People will often use the word fetish when in fact they are referring to a preference or an attraction. This is greatly influenced by mass media presentations of certain objects. Something that is portrayed as sexy and valuable can be devoured by consumers as such. Take leather and PVC for example. It is trendy to wear such things. The perception is that they are powerful and alluring items of clothing. Someone wearing leather and PVC may feel attractive wearing them, but the materials themselves do not bring about sexual arousal. It is a stylistic preference not a fetish.

The term fetish when applied to culturally common sexualised body parts is a flawed use of the word. As breasts and asses are sexualised in our Western view of the body, one can not say one has an ass fetish or a breast fetish. To be a fetish, the body part must not be regarded as sexual in nature by most people within the culture being considered.

The word fetish is also misused when applied to acts. The indulgence in watersports (sexual play through urination) is not a fetish, but instead a not-too-common sexual act. Neither is anal sex. Yes, it is not as prevalent as penis-vaginal intercourse and it is perhaps taboo for some groups of people. However, it is not an object or body part, it is not a fetish. Some of the confusion likely arises because there is some overlap in the three major types of paraphilias. “Only 37 percent of men who practice fetishistic transvestism, 32 percent of men who practice sexual sadism and masochism and 12 percent of those who practice fetishism exhibited those interests exclusively” (Oltmanns & Emery, 1995).

Likewise, people are not fetishes. It is quite common for people to say that they have fetish for Asians or Hispanics. Perhaps they have a strong sexual attraction for people who are Asian or Hispanic, but since Asians and Hispanics are obviously people and not non-living objects or body parts, they can not be fetishised. At best that is a preference or an attraction, or when it interferes with social functioning, an exclusionary paraphilia.

What Does That Mean for Porn?

Fetishism has always had a place in the media. Since the invention of the printing press, sexuality and what people find arousing have been the subject of books, journals and magazines. Within the last five to ten years the Internet has emerged as a new medium for the exchange of ideas and imagery pertaining to fetishism. People now have an increased ability to have access to such material. The upside is that fetishists do not feel so isolated. They can more easily communicate with those with a shared fetish. The pornographic material abounds and so there is a plethora of sites catering to nearly every possible fetish.

Once you are surfing the web it can be easy to be misled. There is the misuse of the word which can lead you to a teen virgin site or to a site for some perfume called fetish instead of a site on your desired fetish. People may also have to search to find their exact fetish. There are very specific pantyhose and stocking fetishes which have their own respective sites. A person who enjoys classic stockings may become quite peeved if pictures of models wearing nylons and pantyhose are among pictures of their fetishised item. A little diligence and patience is required until you can find what you want.

With this grand and diverse domain at our finger tips, we can be reassured that we are not alone in our desires. We can more easily enjoy what we find to be arousing, be it a fetish or something more conventional, in a safe and consensual manner. As long as we do not cross the line so that it engulfs us or hurts others, we can find solace and arousal at the same time. What can result is a respect between people who have different desires. We can appreciate the diversity that is the human sexual experience. However, some people just won’t understand why some people find robots erotic, but will find it perfectly acceptable that he/she is aroused by women wearing diving gear.

Sexuality is so highly individual.