Where Did All The Amateur Porn Stars Go?

Nearly every day I receive a message be it here on my website, e-mail or on one of my social media profiles from a fan of my xxx work. The messages could all be written by the same person given how similar they are. They pay a compliment about the porn I created over 15 years ago. They ask where someone from the Amateur Porn scene of 2000 is today. They ask why I stopped. They clearly have not followed my well documented life online nor considered the impact of free porn.

After receiving 8 such messages this week (it’s only Thursday) I was inspired to write a thorough reply. I originally posted it in a series of Twitter posts so they had a 140 character limitation. I rewrote them up here with improved grammar and depth.

Where have you been Seska?

Right here all along. Doing my thing. Just not your thing.

Strangers are coming out of the woodwork with regards to my former xxx work. It’s as if for them a day has not passed since I performed in porn. Do they realize that the stuff they are seeing is 15 years old? I suppose I should be flattered that my content is timeless to them even though it is so dated in terms of style, quality, and technology.

I slowed down making content in 2007 and I fully retired in 2010. It is 2016 and people still want me to return to the past, be what I once was. It seems to be human nature to not move on when it comes to fantasy figures. People still want Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams to get back together. The cast of Friends struggle being anyone but Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Monica and Ross. I guess my fate while without the same financial success is no different. I’m not allowed to age, gain weight, be monogamous, be less sexually active – basically be any different than I was when I was 28.  Yep, I get those types of comments too.

Though I wonder about these people contacting me now. Where did they go between my heyday & now? Ah, it must be to free tube sites! Just so you know I never posted my content there. If it’s there it’s because it’s most likely stolen. I never put my video content anywhere but on my website. I didn’t and don’t make any money from those videos on tube sites.

And of course, life goes on. People change. People move on. As consumers though you have to realize creators and workers need to be paid for you to enjoy the product you enjoy consuming. Yes, the demand for porn is still there, but the desire to pay for it is gone. We don’t live in a society where we do work for free. Especially sexual labour. Why should porn performers be exceptions? Especially when the personal cost is so high. I’m paying for it to this day.

If people hadn’t chosen to watch free aka stolen porn, then maybe we would all still be making it. We disappeared because you disappeared.

So, it was inevitable that when you stopped supporting independent porn performers and producers that we would move on to other livelihoods. Many of us tried to remove our material so we could move on to other jobs. It is very hard to work in other fields with the shadow of your porn past attached to you. Every step you try to make moving forward is hard, hard, hard mainly due to stigmatization and people defining you by your previous work. Hence the disappearance of many. Even if I do know where people went or if I have stayed in touch with them I would never betray their confidence and expose them.

There have been people who were very loyal to us Amateur Porn performers. But only a handful out of thousands continued to support our work and lives with their money, time and connection. I must say I’m forever grateful for them. They kept me off welfare, declaring bankruptcy and deep depression.

People who are now coming out of the woodwork, those people who consumed my content then and now, there is still time for you to show your appreciation. You can do so by supporting my current projects and it need not be with money.

  • You can visit my current website regularly (the link is found in all of my profiles), follow/subscribe/like my social network pages, profiles and posts – and soon a YouTube channel.
  • You can engage with me and my other fans/followers in meaningful ways.
  • You can click on my affiliate links. Amazon is a great one because if you clear your browser history then click through my website I will get a percentage from your purchases. It’s a small amount, but it shows you care and it helps me out more than you know.

I try to not live in the past. However, others seem to only see value in what I used to do. The connection between the two will forever remain. If people cannot forget my past or some past version of me, then I will continue trying to do some good with it.

I will also continue to speak out about the reality of your fantasy of me. I did that way back when too.

Seska Lee
a very much retired amateur porn star still very living and sharing on the Internetz

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