Being A Little More Discrete

Sorry for the lack of public personal writing, blogging, journaling or whatever we call it these days. I have been Twittering a bit though. Not as much nor as melodramatic as in recent months, but still some. I am finding some equanimity and it has made for a much more personally peaceful time. I still have my concerns, but I am less anxious and less afraid. It is a pretty good feeling.

Part of my silence is that I am experimenting with not sharing my every thought with the public. Well, I have never been quite that uncensored, but I have gone through major periods of time where I have shared quite a bit of myself (sexually, emotionally and intellectually) via the various kinds of content on my sites. I am going though one of the hardest periods of my life and have been conflicted with what and how much to share in a public way. I have felt sharing was my job and it was really tough to do when life got very messy and scary for me. Taking some time off and being more discrete was really beneficial.

Now I am re-assessing what I want to share online. I am re-assessing who Seska is. She is me. I am her. When someone calls out Seska I turn my head. It is my name just as much as my given name. Being Seska comes naturally to me. However, as my life changes, as I change, the expression of Seska has to change too. It changed when the majority of local Montreal Amateurs closed down their sites. It changed when I decided I could and should have more of an off-camera sex life. It changed when I became polyamorous. Now it must change as I reach my 40th year and I am considering other ways of making a living. It must change as I figure out how to be single and independent for the first time in my adult life.