Do You Do Meet-ups?

Over the past year, at every fan site (especially Only Fans), tube site (especially Porn Hub) and social media platform (especially Instagram), I've received the question— do you do meet-ups?

I really wish fans would stop asking this question. I understand that online connections can lead to wanting IRL connections. When people are turned on, they can be impulsive and hit send before thinking it through. Making a fantasy a reality and not considering the real-world ramifications can go hand in hand with sexual arousal.

The real-world ramifications of asking this question are significant and severe and they are paid by us, the content creator, not you, the fan.

Seska Lee

Regardless of explanation or justification, there are real-world consequences when fans ask this question. They are significant and severe and they are paid by us, the content creators, not you, the fan.

I hope that this blog post will provide some perspective and help folks refrain from hitting send so recklessly.

What Is a Meet-up?

When I returned to making porn in the spring of 2020 I started seeing this word mostly by other online content creators tweeting that they do not do meet-ups. I wondered what exactly was a meet-up.

In my original porn days, we did do bar meets where a few of us "Internet Amateurs" and our partners would meet at a bar and invite our fans to hang out with us. We would pose for photos with fans and there would be some flashing and making out by us gals but these were not sex parties per say.

A little later on in my amateur porn adventures fellow Montrealer Carol Cox opened up a production studio and held private parties where if we were so inclined we'd select a fan or two to have some on-camera sex fun with. We would broadcast these parties live to our subscription sites. These parties were fun but mainly they were content creation opportunities.

With my porn comeback, I learned that meet-ups were not the types of events I used to be a part of, but a term to describe something different— one-on-one encounters.

I asked my content creator peers what were their experiences with these requests and they told me in many instances fans wanted to hire them for a sexual encounter, but for most a meet-up was another way of saying they wanted free casual sex like what people seek via dating sites and apps.

Tinder Is For Meet-ups, Only Fans Isn't

The thing is, fan sites aren't hook-up sites. Fansites are platforms where content creators monetize their content (especially by having near-nude, nude, and sexually explicit content behind an age 18+ paywall). They weren't intended to be used as a way to have sex in person (more on why below).

Fan sites, tube sites, and clip stores are not hook-up sites.

Seska Lee

The confusion, I suppose, occurs when fans enjoy the intimacy and immediacy of messaging their favourite models and performers and having them reply often in real-time. It can feel similar to what you might enjoy of dating apps and sites.

However, fans are engaging in horny magical thinking. On a monetized platforms, models and performers are providing a paid service and will not meet up IRL the way people do on the dating apps.

As content creators, fan sites are our place of business. They aren't where we date or hook up privately or professionally. We don't get our meat where we get our bread. It's not good business for the heart or the pocketbook.

There is also the very important fact that discussing meeting in person in any way is against the terms of service of all these platforms. Doing it will get us banned from and we'll lose any income that has yet to be claimed.

Terms of Service

Models, performers, and adult content creators do their best to use online platforms in ways that respect the terms of service (TOS). It doesn't protect us absolutely from losing our accounts or being shadowbanned, but it does help. Fans reading and abiding by the TOS will help protect their accounts and very importantly their positive and sexy relationships with us.

One of the most important TOS, besides uploading documents demonstrating proof of identity, age of majority, and consent, is to not engage or discuss criminalized activities. The platforms do not want to risk their merchant accounts with banks or their credit card processing for participating in such things.

Even if money is never discussed, it is prohibited to discuss meet-ups just in case the financial transaction occurs later in person. Whether you agree with it or not, sex for money (as well activities surrounding it), are criminalized in most parts of the world and that includes the internet. The platforms are doing what they do to stay in business and so are creators, models, and performers.

Stop Fucking Up Our Biz and Our Lives

Content creators, performers, and models want to make and share our sexy content with you. We want to earn a living. We work hard to build our followings and make the content you want to see. We are take pride in providing excellent customer service based on our niche.

We want and need to keep our accounts on all of these platforms so we can stay in business. Your asking to meet (even without compensation) puts us at risk of losing what few options we have for supporting ourselves and our families.

If advertising, booking and paying for in-person sex services were allowed on fan sites, in-person sex workers would use them that way, but none of that is permitted.

Seska Lee

We read the TOS when we sign-up and we stay up-to-date when they change (and they do).

Unfortunately, fans rarely ever do.

But These Rules Aren't Fair!

Fans need to stop complaining to us that the rules aren't fair, don't make sense among consenting adults, are paternalistic, etc.

WE KNOW THIS.

We live with this unfairness on a daily basis and it has us jumping from platform to platform as we lose access to ways to connect with you and earn our living.

Banks and credit card companies, in particular, turn us away or boot us out. I've experienced this multiple times over the 20-plus years I've been in the adult industry and starting from scratch each and every time has been ridiculously hard.

You need to understand and address this unfairness yourselves.

WE ARE DOING MORE THAN OUR FAIR SHARE.

Before sex workers share online we ask ourselves— will this make me money?

We wish fans asked themselves a similar question before posting and messaging us.

Will my post/message cost her/him/them their livelihood?

PS

Just as there are specific apps and platforms for personal and fan sites to virtually interact with your favourite porn stars, there are platforms specifically for professional sex dates (though fewer and fewer because of USA's SESTA and FOSTA and Canada's sex work prohibition laws). If you want a meet-up with your favourite model or performer (and they offer that service) I suggest you look there. Google is your friend. You still will need to speak in code but these sites are made for what you are looking for.

PPS

But you didn't answer the question!

Examples

Streamate: It is illegal and strictly prohibited for you to engage in, participate in, assist, support, or facilitate any act of prostitution, sex trafficking of children, or sex trafficking by force, fraud, or coercion. This includes, without limitation, it is prohibited for you to exchange any personal contact information with any user, or for you to take any action to arrange any type of face-to-face meeting with a user. Also, it is prohibited for you to discuss with a user any transaction involving any other service or product, including but not limited to any other Internet-based service. Accounts found to be involved in any of these activities will be terminated and payments will be withheld.