Fetishization

I was reading a blog post today with perspectives on sex work and there was a comment from a woman who expressed her disdain for the fetishization of body parts (among other things). She saw it as dehumanizing. She stated she believed that sexual attraction should be about the whole person. I have heard this argument before, but I am not convinced. Yes, I think there are people who have an extremely strong fetish and cannot engage in a sexual relationship without focusing exclusively on their fetish. They end up rejecting relationship possibilities including quite likely a mutual and reciprocal one. Their fetish makes them very self-centered in my opinion, but I think whatever drives them is not a simple motivation that can be explained by patriarchy or any other system or situation. One reason being - there are many who, if they are lucky enough to meet someone who is comfortable and compatible with their fetish, have mutually satisfying relationships. People who are aroused and attracted to something (be it a body part, a trait, or an actual object) that the majority of people do not usually sexualize often end up being stigmatized. Why must there must be such judgement against someone who is aroused by armpits instead of breasts, rubber clothing instead of traditional lingerie, a disability instead of an ability? I think their actions and how they treat people within their fetish are more important than the fetish itself (among consenting adults obviously). I know the issue of fetishization can be dark and confusing. It triggers people’s emotions – especially in our current state of political correctness. I cannot say I do not have unresolved feelings myself. Still, I think expecting attraction and arousal to be based on the ‘whole person’ (especially as the ultimate goal of partnerships and sexual interaction) is an unrealistic idealization. I also do not think sex works that way. I think there is some differentiation and distinction that occurs and that we all do it to some degree or another. I don’t have any fetishes per say, but I certainly have some specific turn-ons (i.e. feeling a guy’s hard-on through his jeans). My husband James has certain attractions as well, but they are closer to fetishes than mine. They are much stronger and more consistent. For example, he likes feet. Not just any feet. They have to have a certain shape and look to them. He realized this, but did not understand it as a sexual turn-on, when he was a child. Once he helped his teacher look for her contact lens on the floor. Instead of looking for the contact lens he was looking at her feet. He was 9 or 10. I am not sure exactly when he first told me about his turn-on. It was early on in our relationship. My reaction at first was based on insecurity and a sense of rejection. I felt as if he only liked me for my feet and not the rest of me. Of course, this was not the case. He found other traits of mine attractive and he certainly liked me for my personality and spending time talking was one of our greatest past times (still is). Our relationship was a rich and developed one. Once I realized this I was able to embrace his turn-on. Our sex life is multifaceted and we just happen to do things, pay attention to things, and get off on things that other people dismiss as uninteresting or nonsexual. It is interesting to us. I find it interesting because I find James interesting. When he kisses my feet it is no different than when he kisses my lips, my hand, my cheek. They are all a part of me.