I often post things on Twitter about him. But who is this him? Sometimes its who you think it is. Sometimes its not. Sometimes its other men from my past. Not always sexual. Not always real. Him is most often that idealized version of a man that is connected to my feelings of desire and belonging. Right now I have a craving for something other than my loneliness while at the same time I am trying to sit with this pain and fear. I want a companion who will see me and honour me. Its a struggle as I learn to better honour myself and not give in to my craving, satiating it only temporarily and falsely.