Am I Good Girl?
You could say that this entry is a combo edition. First, I want to write a short update and then, I will write a short essay on something that has been on my mind.
Well, James and I have been as busy as ever. The long week end went by too quickly. We had a lovely time and relaxed a fair bit, but then it was back to work. Sunday's RoseCam show was a success (at least in my opinion). I got to do some stuff I had always wanted to do. Carol was unable to make it because she had an allergic reaction and broke out in hives, so our friend Candice came by to help out. The show started off as a show and tell. I had some fun flashing and playing with myself for the folks in chat. Afterwards, we hit the mattress and got down and dirty. I had brought with me a new toy especially for some anal stuff I wanted to do. It is smaller than my other dildos, but much bigger than my butt plug. My asshole is just too tight for anything too big. After using my fingers and my butt plug the new dildo slid right in and then Candice helped me with that. I was also able to do a double penetration with my trusty vibrator/dildo in my cunt. Yippee!
Then we gals went back to chat. I had to pee so everyone followed. I tired to go but my bladder had become shy. I suppose my limit is one other person in the room with me. Well, sometimes two. Back to the chatting. It was great chatting with the regulars: Melba, Maureen, Drew & PJ. Young Cock wasn't there. I missed him. There were also a few newbies. Unfortunately, I can't remember all the names so I won't list them (I don't want to miss one and make them feel left out). The more often people drop by, the better my memory becomes. And now, on to the part that I loved the best. Candice and I did a little catfight for the cameras. It was so much fun. I love doing that (and I only do things that I enjoy doing). I think it is the mix of sexuality and aggressiveness. Plus, it makes me think of so many fabulous 20th century images that have depicted this. Very cool. Now, remember it was all in fun. Yes, it sure was. :-)
And now, the essay.
I use to like to think of myself as a good girl. I didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't drink much. I tried to be sensitive to everyone's feelings, except sometimes my own. I did my best to meet others' expectations of me. I certainly tried my best to please my man, even if it didn't really please me. I suppose in the eyes of some of the world, I was a good girl. Now I know I wasn't really one. I wasn't being true to myself. Granted I didn't really know who I was. I just knew I wasn't very happy being a good girl.
As I grew up (the twenties are a marvelous learning time for women), I discovered my true interests and pleasures. I still don't smoke or do drugs. I still don't drink much. However, I have learned that I have to make myself happy in order to live a long life. Of course, I still do my best to be considerate and understanding of my friends and family. In turn, I hope that they will be the same with me even though I no longer fit Western Society's concept of a good girl. What brings me happiness often seems distasteful, perverted, or morally/ethically/spiritually wrong to others. I like to have sex with both men and women, often at the same time. "Ok, that's fine if you are single," some people say. Not me. I am truly in love with James. He and I are one. Emotionally we are monogamous, but physically we enjoy being with other people from time to time. It isn't an open marriage because we share the experience. Do good girls screw around like this? Sure. It is a good act if people are being true to themselves and everyone involved (all spouses!) consent to the involvement.
Personally, I don't screw around. James and I are very selective. As you can see from my pages, there isn't a tonne of different men and women having sex with me. Part of that is from a practical point of view. Not many people want to have their faces shown, so we are limited by that when doing photo shoots. The other is I don't have sex (any kind of sex) unless I am emotionally and physically attracted to someone. I'm not talking love here, just enjoying their company. I once tried to have sex with someone I wasn't really attracted to. Disaster. My mind and body have to be into it. I won't do it otherwise. I think that makes me a good girl. However, I would never judge some one as being bad if they had sex with people for different reasons than mine. I respect their choices, in hope that they will respect mine.