Members' Entry 035

Bisexuality

Today, I would like to take the opportunity to write about bisexuality. It makes me think of a song (I don't know the title) that goes something like this...boys who like boys who like girls who like girls who like .... La la la. Well, anyway, it'd be better if you heard it in person. It does however, sets up my little essay quite well. You see, there are so many possibilities when it comes to love, attraction, and sex. Some people are disgusted by the idea of a man or woman who is attracted to both sexes. Others are intrigued, while some are extremely turned on by the idea (and perhaps the experience). I am sure by my actions you can guess what are my beliefs on this matter. I am very open to all the possibilities between men and women. When I was in university I took a course on sexual differentiation. We studied the differences between the sexes and the genders. Most of the course examined biological and socio-cultural evidence for the differences and similarities. It was extremely interesting. One of the topics was sexuality. There was a great deal of support for attraction and sexuality being spread across a continuum. My own experience also supports this view. I know of many people who fall somewhere between heterosexuality and bisexuality. Others are somewhere between bisexuality and homosexuality. Of course, I know of people who are at the extremes. Myself, I am somewhere on the left -not hetero, but not completely bisexual either. I don't know if I could be in a long term relationship with another woman. I probably will never know because of the strong bond I have with James. I am just not interested in anyone else, male or female. Now, when some people hear about the idea of a sexual continuum they are shocked. How can someone be attracted to both sexes? I can think of a famous talk show host who at first didn't seem to understand. The person was comfortable with heterosexual attraction and homosexual attraction, but bisexual attraction seemed too conflicting. Not to me. We, humans, are very complex creatures. Our sexuality can be expressed in so many ways, whatever the explanation (ie. biological, socio-cultural). Many men have fantasies of two women being together sexually. Some of these men wish for their partners to fulfill this fantasy. This is fine if the woman is attracted to women and interested in being with one. However, if she is not, I think pressuring her is wrong. Would the man be with another man to please his partner even if he was completely adverse to the situation? I haven't yet heard of a man who has done that! So, why push a woman to do the same thing? When exploring one's bisexuality, I think it is very important that you do it for yourself, not for your partner. You have to be comfortable with your actions and involvements. I know of women who are bi-curious, but not as a voyeuristic experience for their husband or boyfriend. They want to be with another woman as an expression of their sexuality and they feel it is better that they begin slowly. Most often alone with a girlfriend. Once they are comfortable with being with another woman, they feel that then they can include their male partner. I completely respect this point of view. If your partner is comfortable with your pace and everything is mutual, then things are likely to be more pleasurable for everyone. I have found that for me, I like my bisexuality to be a part of my relationship with James. I like having him watch me be with other women. I also like him watching me be with other men. In fact, I really enjoy small group sexual encounters. Two couples sharing one another is amazing. I am not so interested in being with many men at one time, though I would love to watch a whole bunch of guys "going at it". I have seen a few men make out and give each other blow jobs. It was very hot. James, on the other hand, is completely heterosexual. He has no interest in other men. I respect that. I would never ask him to do something he is not comfortable with. In fact, if it doesn't turn him on, it tends not to turn me on. This isn't a submissive woman thing. I just love it when James is turned on and he is the same with me. I hope this entry has given you insight into my views on bisexuality. It is such an interesting topic and also one that has become an integral part of me. I think one day we will accept it much more than we do so now. While it may not have its own movement, people are becoming more aware of dynamics of human sexuality and that it isn't represented by just one expression.