Mid Summer Update

It's been a hectic and near-overwhelming couple of months. In June my mother had a bad reaction to a chemotherapy treatment and then had a very painful Shingles outbreak. She will not continue with treatment and we are now moving into the palliative phase of her cancer, of her life.

She and I met with her doctor and were assigned a team of people to meet her at-home care needs. We are in a bit of a roller coaster state with each day showing more deterioration of her health. It has gone fast and it has been challenging to make adjustments to her care as it involves various agencies and organizations. Nevertheless, I’m relieved to have the support.

I hired a PSW (Personal Support Worker) for my mother on those days and Mondays (when I shoot social media content and videos for my website). Her condition is such that she can have 1 hour 5 days a week of government-funded and assigned care, but it’s with a different person every day and mainly for a sponge bath.

For intimate care, this doesn't sit right with me. My mother says she accepts that because of her condition she will be touched and handled by strangers, but I want to do what I can to help her maintain as much dignity as possible. I also want her to be surrounded by love and kindness. The private agency matched us with a very empathetic PSW and I’m so grateful.

I had hoped to cam Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings while the PSW is with my mother so I’ve been commuting from my mother's apartment to mine. However, I’m finding it difficult to switch roles from caregiver to performer. I’m also physically tired from the staggered sleep I get at night and the labour required to move my mother from the bed to the toilet. She weighs about 120lbs but without her own strength, I need to use a lot of mine to move her safely. It’s doing a number on my shoulders and back.

So, I’ve decided to use my respite time to nap, take long walks and work on my computer tasks and site updates. All three activities ground me and soothe me without asking me to turn off or compartmentalize my feelings. I don’t want to do that but I also cannot do it. It is impossible even if I wanted to do it.

Thank you to those of you who have subscribed to my personal site, purchased PPV at my fansites, and tipped. I’ve missed a fair bit of camming shifts these past three weeks and will miss many more so things are quite tight. I appreciate every sale and tip. Your support means a lot to me.

PS I have updates set up until mid-September and I’ll be checking my messages and the members-only chat pop-up daily. I just won't be streaming live for the next little while.