My Comeback

I decided to make a porn comeback after a year or so of porn-work-related dreams. These dreams seemed to be a way for me to process what I loved about porn work, what I didn't, and what it might look like if I made porn now at age 49 (and beyond). After much thought and a few conversations with current xxx content creators, I decided to document and share my sexuality once again. 

When I had my original website, I ran it with my then-husband. While I was the face of the site— the performer, model, and writer, he had a significant say on the behind-the-scenes work. He was the photographer, videographer, editor, marketing manager, tech wizard, and stunt cock. While having a domestic partner as a business partner had its advantages, it was also challenging. People in business with their partners know what I mean. Now make your business sex and your ageing female body. Challenging is an understatement.

The important thing is that I found it freeing to be in front of the camera and not worry about what was being captured. It let me be in the moment, to let go. I don't think I would have been able to have a porn site if my authenticity as a sexual being was not at the centre of my experience. I don't think people would have been as interested if I had faked my way through the sex. After my separation, I tried to shoot porn with other photographers/videographers. I was not comfortable. I had been losing money with my website for a couple of years, but now making porn no longer felt right. I retired.

I knew if I returned to porn, I would have to do things differently from the first time as well as post-split. I would need to do as much as possible myself. 

By the way, when it comes to collaborating, before the pandemic, I considered it. I think it would be neat to shoot with a director like Courtney Trouble and be a part of something that reflects my queerness and my older body. So intriguing. 

The good news is now there is internet infrastructure, apps, and software rather than the bare bones of twenty years ago. 

But would I have the stamina, ability, or even the interest in doing everything on my own? There is so much that goes into making porn and getting it to the customer— shooting, editing, uploading, and marketing. So much marketing

And most importantly, would I be inspired?

I decided to take things slow. I posted a bit on Twitter. Then, I started sharing some of my favourite vintage Seska photos at an Only Fans account. After a few people found me, I shared some recent nude candid pictures and video clips too. 

In retrospect, I think I shared them too quickly. I should have held off and made New Hot Mature Seska more of a VIP experience. I thought if you had seen my pussy in 2000, it wouldn't be such a big deal to see it in 2020. It turns out that it is a big deal. Maybe because I kept the pussy away for so long. Perhaps because we don't get to see women be sexual across decades. In any case, I learned that New Hot Mature Seska is more desired than Vintage Seska. 

I've always been emotionally attached to the online presence that I created via my Seska life. Over the past ten years away from porn, that attachment has grown stronger. So has my confidence to do things for myself and by myself. I have a support network of friends and family, but they are my emotional touchstones and don't determine the vision I have for me and my work. That is all me. So is this comeback.