Replace Escape Hide

One of the reasons I am having trouble with this break-up is that I am hoping for a replacement. A replacement for my desire, a replacement for the pain. I am learning that I am a bit of a passion junkie and I struggle when I am without my fix. It is one thing to have passion fade. I can handle that much better than it being ripped away from me. All I feel is hurt and all I want is for it go away or alternatively for me to go away. I so want an escape from my feelings.

When I have been out I have been looking. Looking for that replacement. I know I won’t find it at the bottom of a shot glass or in a plate of cheese tortellini. Though I have attempted both on occasion. I won’t find it in the arms of another. I haven’t attempted this one. I have been hoping to see someone that catches my eye, but it is like I am blind. If he were to walk into the room I would see.

I know I need be alone right now. I know that he doesn’t want to be with me. It is the right thing to do. The healthy thing to do. I need to feel my feelings. I need to just sit with them and not try to replace them.