Some Bit Of Good

I am going through a lovely range of emotions at the moment. I got dumped today. I knew it was coming. I was hoping to ease out of the relationship, but the bartender is in a bad, bad place and our relationship was too much to handle - even though he said except for one dear friend I am the only person who knows of his horrible pain. It is probably for the best. You cannot fix someone else’s pain.

And then there is the way things have been. He was inconsiderate, neglectful and cold this weekend. I was livid and preparing to speak up about how he treated me. There was no need. When I saw him last night it was written all over his face.

The relationship was nowhere as serious as my marriage and so the amount of pain I feel is much less too. Yet there is still a whole lot going on in my heart, mind and body. Anger, resentment, sadness, and annoyance. No fear, though. This is very different for me.

And the good thing is I do not feel the need to do something negative to deal with these upsetting feelings. My usual unhealthy coping mechanisms. I went to an organic café where they have delicious egg salad sandwiches. I walked out empty handed. I have a bunch of booze in my liquor cabinet and I don’t feel the desire to drown my sorrows. I have not even thought of bringing out my little black book for arranging a booty call.

Instead I bought a bottle of Bottle Green sparkling water, Amy’s Texan Burgers and some organic hamburger buns. I contacted a few friends and lined up some girlfriend and pampering time. I am going to take care of myself because I deserve it. I know I have to be gentle and ease into being 100% single. Its the first time in 21 years - since I was 18. I think I am ready to take my time.