'Tis The Season

I started school last week which meant interacting with more people - on the bus, in the school, at shops on my way home. I had quite a few colds last year and I am determined not to experience the same thing this year. I am eating well and going to sleep at a reasonable hour. I am not taking on too much in terms of work or my social life. Yet, I have been struggling with asthma (which I believe is due not to my cats, but to a mold problem in my bathroom - just so awesome)  and this has made for some very disruptive sleep. Now, I feel I am coming down with something.  Yep, its only been a week of school and I feel like I am fighting something. It seems everyone is. Right now my ears are plugged up, I have a sore throat and super sensitive  tonsils.  I am attacking it with oil of oregano, lemon/honey/cayenne/apple cider vinegar in hot water, and vitamin C rich foods. I will do some hydrotherapy later today. A month ago I thought I was coming down with a cold. I had one horrible day of pains, congestion and coughing. I did all these things and I was fine the next day.  It was amazing.  Here is to that happening again!  Improve my immune system! Fight the cold virus! - I should add that one other reason I think I am in this weak immune system phase is the brutal experience of figuring out this next chapter in my life. It has been a time of coming to terms with my patterns of behaviour, my fears, my attachments, and my expectations. I ended my marriage which was difficult enough, but there is a other layer to the pain (James' response to it is his own and I don't hold it against him - but just as my actions had consequences so did his - it is so fucking messy).  There is a bunch of more stuff  I do not feel comfortable sharing, but anytime I go silent or MIA on the web I also do in my day to day life and its because I am dealing with more shocking news that I hear through the grapevine and its another blow to my psyche. Thankfully, I have a good support network, but as I deal with these things and work to become a stronger person there are periods of confusion, despair and hopelessness. I know all this emotional stuff is connected to my physical health or lack there of - directly and indirectly. Again, its so fucking messy. - Its kind of weird to call him James. It is a stage name. Was a stage name. He has nothing to do with my site anymore  yet he is everywhere in it - in terms of content, style and organization. Its been very difficult trying to make the site more my own when every folder and file has his fingerprints on them. He is also so deeply a part of my subconscious. I am dreaming bizarre dreams of him most every night. Dreams that are very similar to those I have about my father who died in 1995.  Those dreams feature my life as it is in a present moment but with hallmarks of the past. In them everything seems so normal to I realize that he is dead (my father) or we are no longer living together (James). In the dreams I constantly ask myself or him (my father and now James) - Why are you here? You don't belong here anymore. What is going on?